A Simple Market Analysis

As all of the conflicting reports and general chaos about the current financial crisis swirl around us, I feel like it is my duty to put my economics degree to work and provide some clear, concise, useful information to those lucky few who are smart enough to read my blog. So here, for your enjoyment (or despair, depending on whether your money is in mutual funds or under the mattress), is a Simple Market Analysis:

One share of Starbucks stock is worth approximately the same as one pound of Starbucks coffee. Or two triple venti vanilla lattes (make mine nonfat, please).

One share of GM stock is worth about as much as a quart of moderately-priced synthetic motor oil. Take heart, though, GM shareholders: you can't even get a quart of cheap motor oil for what Ford is trading at. You can, however, get one of those little pine tree air fresheners to hang from your rearview mirror. Maybe even two if they're on sale.

Last month's cable bill would have bought five shares in Time Warner Cable or seven shares in Comcast.

My cell phone charger cost more than a share of Nokia stock.

One share of Citigroup is worth about 1/3 of the late fee that they charge their credit card holders. And one share of Bank of America wouldn't cover a bounced check fee in most states.

One share of Coach stock will barely buy you a handbag at Target.

For what it costs to check one suitcase on most airlines, you could buy a share in American, United, AND Northwest. Which is why you should diversify your portfolio. And carry your luggage on the plane.

And one share of MGM Mirage costs less than I'm going to lose in poker tonight. Maybe I should try gambling in the stock market instead.